The Myth of Being “Chosen”

Point A:
My parents were taught a philosophy about adoption in 1971 and that was the mantra of telling me I was chosen. I do not blame them for buying into it as this was just the way back then. As with many things over time, the mantras change. I now understand that “being chosen” made me the people-pleaser I am today.

I grew up always trying to be the best daughter I could be. Not out of fear of being sent back, but because being chosen had such a greater responsibility attached than just being born to your parents. But as I have grown in my knowledge of adoption, I have come to realize that I really wasn’t chosen, I just happened to be the next baby available. This fact would have been a much better mantra to me.

Point B:
Once I accepted that the biggest mistake of my life was out of my control, I began thinking about what kind of life was in your future. The adoption agency assured me that every family that chose adoption was a kind, loving family. You would have “EVERYTHING” that we couldn’t give you. But I knew that wasn’t a guarantee, it was a stereotype given to adoptive parents. The stereotype for us was that we wouldn’t be good parents. Even though I knew they were wrong about us, I prayed that your parents loved you unconditionally and gave you a wonderful life.

Through the years and many tears, I continued to pray for your family. My faith, hope, and trust was all I could hang on to because I knew I would never know anything about you. Then in 1991, I added another prayer about you. I prayed that my search for you would be successful. We are told that many times we don’t know if our prayers have been answered. On that day twenty-five years ago, I had two of my prayers answered.

Image Descriptions (for accessibility)

1. Image 1: A close-up of bright green shamrocks with the words: “I wasn’t ‘chosen.’ I just happened to be the next baby available. If anything, I’d say I was just lucky! —Point B: With No Direction.”

2. Image 2: A blue sky with white clouds. On top is a dark blue label-shaped box with the Bible verse: “Tears are prayers too. They travel to God when we can’t speak them. Psalm 56:8.”