Twenty-Five Years of Roots and Branches
Point A:
DNA is new on the horizon and no one even talked about it 25 years ago. Has it not only opened the door to assist with many medical problems but it has given way to many adoptees finding their roots. DNA research has also led to the discovery of how much our DNA actually plays a role in our lives—for generations. One’s family tree is not just a bunch of names on limbs but truly pumping through our veins to the cellular level.
Documenting the stories, experiences and lives of those before us. My whole life I wondered about my biology. Not to the point of agonizing over it everyday but it was always in the back of my head. I didn’t look like my parents, although many thought I did. My brother was once accused of “telling stories” when he told someone that his little sister was adopted. Non-adopted persons take for granted genetic mirroring. Those small glimpses of something familiar in your relatives for generations. The unknown is maddening.
Families have all kinds of struggles. Mine was no different. Sometimes fitting into a family is difficult, even when biological, but some adoptees never find their place. I was not like that growing up. I worked so hard, unbeknownst to me, to fit into my family. My mom tells how when she told me I was adopted and in explaining to me that I was in someone else’s tummy, I cried and cried and said how I just wanted to be in my mom’s tummy. It wasn’t until reunion and becoming an adult that I realized how much I wanted, at my core, to be biological to my family.
Reunion should have given me that fulfillment but I can honestly say after 25 years, it hasn’t. I am thrilled we have each other and that our reunion is so good! I would not want it any other way. There is no easy answer of nature vs. nurture, unless you have both biologically! There is no room for this debate without adoption. My likes/dislikes, my features, my personality are all a result of my DNA but they are also a result of one’s life experiences. The person I was born to be will never be known since my biology and my experiences were not shared/discovered together. Adoption stole that from me. I will forever straddle two depths of my family tree… roots and branches!
Point B:
As I look back over the past twenty-five years, I think my biggest surprise is that I feel like we have never been separated. I need to clarify that statement a little. I still carry pain, guilt and regret about your adoption. I believe those feelings will remain a part of me but you have lessened them everyday since our reunion. I pray that I have helped with some of your feelings about your adoption story.
When I dialed your number twenty-five years ago, neither of us had any idea what was in store for us. There were so many unanswered questions. Did we want the same type of relationship? Actually I didn’t know if you wanted any type of relationship. What would our boundaries be like? How would our families fit into our family tree? Even after we talked about all of our new family dynamics, I was scared that for some unknown reason our relationship would end as quickly as it began.
Today when I look at my family tree, I now see a strong, tall tree with all of its branches fully developed.
HAPPY 25TH GOTCHA BACK DAY WITH MUCH LOVE. 💕
Image Descriptions
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Heart-shaped tree with roots spelling "LOVE": An illustration of a tree with a lush green canopy shaped like a heart, its roots stretching into the word “LOVE.” Accompanied by text about planting and nurturing a family tree through 25 years of reunion.
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DNA family tree illustration on notepad: A sketch of a brown tree with colorful leaves and DNA strands interwoven in the trunk and roots. The quote reads: “Maybe you are searching among branches for what only appears in the roots.” – Rumi.