Bullets or Seeds? The Power of Words in Adoption Stories
Point B:
It’s been fifty years now that the words have been etched in my heart. It will soon be twenty-eight years since I said the words to the person I hoped it would matter the most to. But yet to this day, I struggle more than I can explain to say the beginning sentence to my story.
"I had a baby my senior year in high school and I had to give her up for adoption."
There it is. One sentence. The scariest words for me to say to someone. Nineteen words that I worry will cause you to judge me, change your opinion of me, ridicule me or worst of all, walk away from me. So as I’m speaking the words, my eyes are searching your face for signs to prepare for what is next.
To prepare for your reaction.
To nineteen simple words about me.
So far everyone’s reactions have been positive and supportive. But yet I still search that face or voice scared that I will need to try and convince you that I am a good person. Why?
Because still after fifty years when I say those nineteen words,
I need to convince
MYSELF
THAT
I AM A
GOOD PERSON.
Point A:
It was a cold fall day. I was in third grade and we had just gone out to recess. Boys chasing girls, girls screaming, and then… He caught me. He pushed me up against the cold metal fence, looked me in the face and said, “You’re adopted?” I answered, “Yes”… he let go, started laughing and pointing and saying “You’re a reject!” Over and over those three little words hitting me like little bullets. Now I have to admit I had no idea what those words even meant, but I just knew it wasn’t nice. When I got home I remember asking my mom what reject meant. In her own beautiful way she responded in the most loving way to make sure I knew I was not a reject. My mom always raised me to believe that adoption was an act of love. Although I know today that Adoption is a multi-billion dollar industry and many times linked to corruption, I grew up choosing loving you over hating you. REJECT…. LOVE…. amazing how much power one word can hold!
Image 1: Text on image:
“THAT FIRST SENTENCE IS ALWAYS THE HARDEST”
Description:
A vintage typewriter with Cyrillic keys sits on a teal wooden desk. A blank sheet of paper is rolled in, with the bold words “That first sentence is always the hardest” typed at the top. The With No Direction watermark is in the upper right corner.
Image 2: Text on image:
“ARE YOUR WORDS BULLETS OR SEEDS? Point A (2:1)”
Description:
A close-up photo of a person’s hands holding soil with a small green sprout growing. Against a blurred green background, bold yellow text asks: “Are your words bullets or seeds?” The With No Direction watermark is at the bottom left.