Dancing with Fragments

Point A:
No experience has shaken me to my core more than your class reunion. You had shared with me lots of stories about how close knit your graduating class was but never did I imagine how much my presence would heal so many people. Even with all that, I never could have expected what my soul would feel when I stepped onto the dance floor with him!

Having him hold me in his arms was something I never imagined for my life. In an instant I reverted back to a little girl dancing on her daddy’s shoes. I honestly can’t even tell you what song was playing or even if we danced the whole way through.

As I returned home the next day I was still overcome with emotion. This was one of the times in our reunion when I had to seek help. I did not understand what was happening to my body. I couldn’t sleep, eat, and literally cried all the time. I wasn’t collecting my scattered fragments very well.

Point B:
When I notified your dad of my decision to begin my search for you, it was the first time we had talked since I told him we had a healthy little daughter. It had been a little over twenty years. His positive response of “I always wondered if you’d decide to search” did not surprise me. Once I actively began my search for you, I started sharing with a friend my fondest memories of the love that your dad and I felt for each other.

I was not prepared for the deep feelings that my memories reignited in my heart. It was as if I was reliving every memory that we shared. I questioned myself several times because here I was happily married to my wonderful husband of ten years. Could it be possible that I still was in love with your dad? With the help of adoption support groups and reading, I came to realize that my feeling was fairly common.

There can be multiple explanations for this reaction but two of my most obvious ones were:

1. It was our First True Love

2. We never had closure to our relationship.

This was one of the many roller coaster rides during my search for you. But I hung on tight and continued right on down the track.

Fast forwarding to our reunion, the three of us were ready to introduce you to “Our Class” at our 25th Class Reunion. Our friends had been waiting to meet for these 25 years. Everyone had their own emotions connected to your birth. One member of our graduating class in attendance that weekend was surprised with a feeling that flowed through every part of her body. She was dancing and something made her glance across the dance floor.

It was as if time stood still. Before my eyes, my daughter was dancing with her father. I felt within my heart the same love I had when I danced the “Mother-Son” dance at my two son’s weddings.