Scales Out of Balance

Point A:

I had what some would call the perfect childhood. My parents are amazing loving people. They provided everything I could have needed, wanted and more. When people think about adoption, they visualize children. Well children grow up and become adults. As adults we process our experiences and memories as adults. Some adoptees choose to learn and grow in reference to adoption and we begin speaking out about our adoption experiences.

Often time we get labeled “angry” and our opinions are dismissed as being invalid. I am not an “angry adoptee” but I do have anger about adoption. I have anger that I was a product of a historical period in US History called the Baby Scoop Era. I have anger that my 17 yr old birth mother was shoved into a taxi, sent to a strange hospital and gave birth to me all alone. I have anger my biological father was given no rights. I have anger that society and adoption agencies fed my adoptive parents “adoption Kool-aid” and they in turn gave it to me.

I have anger that my government can seal my origins thus treating me like a second-class citizen not worthy of handling my own adult affairs. But mostly, I have anger that after 46 years so little has changed to help adoptees.

Point B:

One of the many things that I experienced during my search for you was other people's opinion that I was completely anti-adoption. This was not true at that time nor is it true today. The majority of my feelings about adoption are automatically based on the treatment that both your father and I received during my pregnancy with you. In our case, adoption was a decision forced upon us and one that we both will always regret.

If I was asked to cast my ballot on your adoption, my vote would go into the “NO” box. But adoption cannot be classified into a simple “YES” or “NO” vote. Each case is different. Each starts differently. Each case ends differently. Especially for people directly affected by adoption, all aspects surrounding adoption enter into our feelings. We wanted to get married and raise you. We DIDN’T want the decision taken out of our control. We DIDN’T want the painful experiences during my pregnancy with you to happen. We DID want you to have a good home. We DID want you to be happy.

Once I decided to search for you, I was told by the agency that I was not entitled to the legal documents that I had signed. Those documents had no information regarding your parents. So why was I not allowed to have a copy of a legal document that I signed that changed my life forever? Which I was never given at the time of signing. This makes me ANGRY. When we were reunited, you told me about your parents and life. This makes me HAPPY.

Today at the age of 46 even with the signatures of your adoptive parents, your dad and mine you are not allowed by law to your own original birth certificate. This makes me ANGRY.

My pain and anger does not make me against adoption. But it does make me feel VERY STRONGLY that today’s opinions and LAWS surrounding adoption need to be changed.

FOR THE ADULT ADOPTEE IT’S TIME THE SCALES ARE BROUGHT INTO BALANCE.