Defined By Adoption, Not By Choice
Point A:
Last week Point C had a medical emergency. He is ok and ended up only having to stay a few days in ICU, but it could have been way worse. While at the hospital I met two of his brothers for the first time. Yes, I know it only took 25 years... LOL! I was an emotional wreck. We did not know if Point C’s status would leave him with long-term effects.
As I sat there watching his brothers, wife, and children I realized something — no matter how much of his memory disappears they have a lifetime with him! Would he wake up and even know me? How far back will he remember? Will I be a memory of a child he never knew? I called you on my long drive home and was surprised at how angry I was at adoption.
Adoption has dictated my entire life. Things have happened to me and for me that I have no say in. Everyone chose my fate, hell the government still chooses what information I am allowed to see of my beginnings.
I believe that it is my destiny to live this life bringing awareness to Adoption Trauma. The trauma I have experienced has nothing to do with my upbringing or my genes. It is something that happened to me but I will not let it detour my destiny.
As Randall said on the season premiere this week on This Is Us,
"It has defined my life being adopted. It has defined my life even when I didn’t realize it was defining it and I think a part of that, at least for me, is that this big giant thing happened to me and I didn’t have any say in it."
Point B:
When you told me your feelings about the possibility of Point C not remembering you, I felt such sorrow for you. It is something I have never thought about. It did stir up thoughts that I realize now I have avoided.
When you called me on your way home and we talked at length about your feelings, I totally understood why anger was a very strong emotion that surfaced. The longer I listened to you the more angrier I felt too. Not about the adoption trauma I have experienced.
WHAT MATTERS THE MOST TO ME IS THE TRAUMA IT HAS CAUSED YOU.
After rereading your blog several times, the main thought that I keep coming back to is that you believe your destiny is to bring AWARENESS TO ADOPTION TRAUMA. This has also been my goal for quite some time but I have to be honest with you that I don’t believe I have given it my all. In the past, I have approached this from my perspective as a birthmom. I have to wonder now if society, in general, view any trauma that birthparents experience very different than that of adoptees. So I’d like to support you in the movement to AWARENESS TRAUMA for adoptees from a birthmom’s perspective.
TOGETHER WE CAN ACCOMPLISH AMAZING THINGS
Image Descriptions
Image 1 (Whiskey quote): A wooden table with whiskey glasses and a bottle. Overlaid text by Lemony Snicket reads: “Fate is like a strange unpopular restaurant, filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don’t always like.”
Image 2 (Mission Impossible parody): A retro red poster with the text “MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE” altered to read “Mission: Not For Us — Together.” A lit match suggests strength and determination, symbolizing overcoming impossibility through unity.