It's Point A's Birthday
Point A:
One of my earliest memories is about my birthday. My parents owned their own business and so I spent many hours in the “shop” with my dad and the mechanics. This one time in particular, I must have been about 6 or 7 years old, there was a salesman in the shop visiting with my dad. I remember hanging on his leg, when the salesman asked when my birthday was. My dad, without skipping a beat answered the question, except he gave the wrong date. I looked up at him in amazement that he could have gotten it wrong. Well later I realized that the day my dad had given was the day they got me. I was 5 days old.
I am not sure if it was that moment but I choose to celebrate birthdays big. Like really really big. This is not common among adoptees as many find their birthday a difficult time.
For me, I enjoy having a special day just for me. No one in our family or among my close friends share the same birthday with me, so in actuality it is ALL MINE. Growing up I had many wonderful birthday parties. All my elementary school friends would come over and we would always have angel food cake. One year we went swimming, one year it was a sleepover, and one year we rented this big contraption from the local library to watch movies on… pre dvr, cd or vhs! Since my birthday is in January, there were numerous times my parties were cancelled due to bad weather, but they were always rescheduled.
I carried on the joy of birthdays with my children and grandchildren. I LOVE throwing grand birthday parties. Because after all, what is life if we don’t celebrate it?!
Point B:
To Point A
Your First Birthday
As your first birthday got closer and closer, I had no idea how I was going to make it through it. I hate to admit it but it was a day I was dreading. There was only one thing that I was sure of ~~~ I needed to be alone. It needed to be a day that I didn’t have to hide any of my feelings. I wish I could describe to you a day like the following – I would dream of you as a little one year old girl getting ready for her 1st birthday party. All dressed up and waiting for her family to arrive at the festivities. ME picturing YOU having the best 1st birthday possible. That’s what I wanted for you. That’s what I wanted to picture in my mind.
But I couldn’t. I couldn’t picture anything.
I only cried.
For many years, this is how I spent your birthday. I just couldn’t get past the crying. When John & I married, you were 10 years old and things changed for me. I no longer wanted to be alone on your birthday. I wanted John and I to spend your birthday together. He was prepared for a lot of emotions. Oh I remember the tears rolling down my cheeks and just staring into space. But little by little I started talking about you. It was the first time, at least out loud, that I allowed myself the pleasure of imagining you growing up. I spent hours talking to him about my pregnancy and you. Not just on your birthday but whenever I felt the need. Which after being silent for 10 years was quite often!
Eventually your birthday became a day that I spent wondering about how you were spending your birthday. I no longer shed so many tears. In addition to sadness, I began to dream, imagine and wish about you and your life. My dreams for you were ALWAYS there for you. I just couldn’t allow them to surface until I was prepared to handle them. The thought of searching for you had never crossed my mind and it wouldn’t for many years. However, even on your birthdays long ago, I would make a wish “To See You Again Someday”.
Happy Birthday Jessica!!!
Love,
Mom
Image 1 (Cake & Balloons)
Transcription:
“LIFE should not only be lived, it should be celebrated. – Osho”
Description:
A festive birthday setup with colorful balloons, tinsel, and a strawberry-topped cake decorated with whipped cream. Pink party flags and a party hat add to the scene’s cheer. Quote text is styled in bold and script fonts, paired with the With No Direction logo in the corner.
Image 2 (Candles)
Transcription:
“AND SO SHE BLEW OUT THE CANDLES AND MADE A WISH”
Description:
A row of five striped birthday candles (pink, blue, red, yellow, and green) stand blown out, smoke still curling into the air against a black background. The text overlays the image in elegant white type, creating a contemplative mood. Bottom corner includes the With No Direction logo.