Mother's Day
Point B:
With Mother’s Day only two days away I must admit that for the first time since you were born, I am trying to recognize my feelings surrounding this holiday.
Looking back over the years it is one of the few holidays that I haven’t been a struggle. Until today I have never wondered why that holiday didn’t bother me as much. It would seem that if anything it would be a much more emotional day for me. Did I think of you and miss you? Absolutely there wasn’t a day that I didn’t have at least a fleeting thought of you.
As we have talked many times, neither of us get hung up on titles. I don’t ever remember feeling any other way. Now living in a blended family it has been my daily life for 37 years.
After a lot of thought today, I think maybe the biggest reason that Mother’s Day isn’t an emotional day for me is that in most ways I didn’t feel like a mother to you. This will probably sound really weird but it’s hard to describe. I always knew, thought and loved you as a daughter. But I didn’t think or feel like I was your mother. Maybe it helped me cope. Maybe it was believing all of the unwed/adoption kool aid that I was given. People say to their children all the time “you’ll always be MY BABY”. I’ve even said it to my boys. But when I’ve said it to them it was because it’s hard to believe how fast the years go by until they are grown with families of their own.
That common phrase said to children everyday without any thought by either mother or child has a very true meaning to me when I think of you. I only held you once in the hospital and for 22 years that was the only vision etched of you in my heart.
Still today within my heart I see you as that tiny little baby in my arms for such a short time. Now I also have you as the beautiful woman you have become within my heart.
Point A:
Labels are apart of our everyday life. Mr. Mrs. Ma’am. Sir. Grandma. Nana. Sis. Bro. Mom. Dad. When we speak of people we rarely use a name but rather a label.
“My daughter is going to Europe” not “Sally is going to Europe.”
“My son broke his leg” not “James broke his leg.”
“Our mailman brought a huge package” not “Julie brought a huge package.”
It’s how we know who people are in our lives, but with adoption labels get fuzzy. Identifying you has been an issue for us. Are you my “mom” or “birthmom” or “biomom” or “firstmom”?
What makes a Mother? Giving birth? Providing shelter, food, and love? Being there for all the ups and downs in life?
I know for me, I considered myself a mother the instant I gave birth to my children. Something inside me changed the second I saw and touched them. With each passing day my “motherliness” evolved, each experience giving way to a greater kinship. I had always believed that those moments and experiences are what makes a mother…
But then I met you! You too are my mother. No, we don’t have all of life’s beginning lessons, trials and tribulations. We didn’t have the personal history of my childhood but there was still this inherent belonging to you.
I have never really cared for the saying “Blood is thicker than water.” Maybe because I was adopted but I have always believed friends can be family and family can be friends. After meeting you though, I have to say that there is something definitely in our blood that makes us connected.
I still don’t know what to call you after 25 years but as Mother’s Day approaches I want you to know that you mean so much more to me than any label!
🖼️ Image Descriptions
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Photo 1 (Two Women, Heart Shape)
A young woman and an older woman face each other outdoors, both forming a heart shape with their hands. Inside the heart is a small inset photo of a mother in a hospital gown holding her newborn baby. Text at the top reads: “No matter how old you get, you’ll always be MY BABY GIRL.” -
Photo 2 (Wood Background with Labels)
A gray card sits on a rustic wooden surface. On it are colorful speech bubbles with different labels: firstmom, biomom, natural mother, birthmom, other mom, mom. Text below says: “YOU MEAN SO MUCH MORE TO ME THAN ANY LABEL!”